


Young, Scrappy and Hungry

by thekindworthreading



Series: Hamlaf Week 2020 [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, First Kiss, Hamlaf Week 2020, M/M, Self-Hatred, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekindworthreading/pseuds/thekindworthreading
Summary: Alex hasn´t left his flat in days after being attacked, ignoring the calls of his friends, certain that they will abandon him, once they find out what has happened to him.There is no way anyone could love him again, right?
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette
Series: Hamlaf Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914391
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	Young, Scrappy and Hungry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gagakuma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gagakuma/gifts).



> @gagakuma and I have created a Hamlaf Week and this is for the first promt of it - Vampire! You can find the list on my (Whatdidimissjm) or gagakuma´s (gagakumadraws) tumblr! I´m really excited to getting back to writing every day!
> 
> This is the first Hamlaf story I have ever written, so I really hope I got this right! It is also very angsty haha

Alex hasn´t left his flat in what feels like weeks since _the incident_ , or at least he thinks that it has been weeks. Telling the time has become a little bit difficult. He keeps the blinds closed, so that it is completely dark in the flat, which makes it even harder to know what time of day it is. He hasn´t talked to anyone since _it_ happened, his phone is still lying broken on the ground from where he had thrown it against the wall, after it just kept ringing. He only leaves his bed to go to the kitchen to get food, though there is a hunger inside of him, that never seems to go away; an insatiable craving.

Moving hurts, even after all this time, and Alex isn´t sure if he will ever feel alright again. He feels incredibly lonely, something that´s his own fault, but he just can´t go outside and be among people and pretend that nothing has happened. That he isn´t different. Damaged. How can he ever meet with his friends again? They will hate him, when they find out what happened, and Alex isn´t ready for their rejection, so he just avoids them. He knows that this won´t solve his problems, but what else can he do?

Alex barely sleeps, and when he does, he gets woken up by nightmares about the attack, but the sweet oblivion of sleep is still a better alternative than his thoughts when he is awake. Alexander is once again staring at his alarm clock, the time reading 1:24, though he couldn´t say if am, or pm. He is about to finally nod off, when he hears steps approaching the bedroom. Suddenly he is wide awake again, his whole body tense and ready to fight, as he listens to the steps coming closer, until they stop in front of his bedroom door. There is silence for a moment, and just when Alex starts to believe that his mind was playing tricks on him, someone knocks on his door.

“Alex, are you in there?”, he hears Lafayette asking.

Alex presses his eyes closed, while shaking his head, as if that would somehow make his friend go away. _No, no, no. He_ can´t _be here._ Alex is almost paralyzed from fear, and before he can even think about what he will do next, the door gets opened.

“Alex?”, Laf asks again, and this time, Alex can´t supress a whimper.

The room gets flooded with light and a moment later, he feels hands on his chest and face, and he lets out a pained groan.

“Mon Dieu, Alex, what the hell happened to you?”, Laf asks, but all he gets in return is a sob.

“You have to go.”, Alex whimpers, finally forcing his eyes open.

He looks up at his friend, who´s looking down at him with obvious worry painting his face, what only makes him sob harder.

“Alex, what happened?”, Laf tries again, a note of helplessness in his voice.

“I´m a monster.”, Alex whispers.

He tries to push the other man away, but Lafayette is stronger than him, and instead pulls Alex into a sitting position. For a moment Alex panics and an irrational part of his brain tells him that Laf will attack him, but the expected blow never happens. Instead, Laf pulls him against his chest and carefully puts his arms around him. Alex remains frozen and tense for a few seconds, before he realises that Lafayette is hugging him. He lets out something between a sob and a groan, before he allows himself to slump against the other man´s chest, burying his face in his shirt. He is shaking with sobs and desperately clinging to Laf, even though there is a tiny voice inside his head that tells him that he has to make the other man leave.

“I got you, mon ange.”, Laf whispers, but Alex shakes his head.

“You need to go. I am a monster.”, Alex insists.

“What are you talking about? Of course, you are not.”

It breaks Alexander´s heart, with how much conviction Laf says that.

“I got bitten. I am a vampire, Laf.”, Alex says almost tonelessly.

It´s the first time Alex has said it out loud since the attack – hasn´t even allowed himself to think that word – and it´s strangely deliberating, even though it causes him almost physical pain. For a moment, Laf doesn´t react and Alex starts to think that he hasn´t heard him, but then he feels the other man pressing a kiss to his head, before gently pushing him away. Alex closes his eyes, far too afraid to actually see the disgust in his friend´s eyes.

“Mon ange, look at me.”, Laf says softly.

Alex hesitates a moment, before he reluctantly opens his eyes and looks up at the other man. He doesn´t understand why there isn´t disgust or fear in Laf´s eyes, and for a horrible moment he thinks that he must be playing a cruel trick on him.

“Alex, you are not a monster.”, Laf says firmly.

Alex shakes his head.

“You aren´t _listening_ , Laf. I am a fucking vampire!”

“You are not a monster.”, Laf repeats, but Alex isn´t listening.

“I am a monster and I will hurt you. You have to leave.”

“Alex, you are _not_. I _know_ you. We will get through this.”

“There is no “we”, Laf, there-“

“There is always a “we”. It has always been you and me against the world, non? We will get through this.”

“Why?”

“I can´t follow.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you, mon ange.”, Laf says, as if it´s obvious.

Alex closes his eyes and takes a shuddering breath, before opening his eyes again and shaking his head.

“No. You may have loved the person I was before, but not… _this_.”

He pulls his hands away from Lafayette´s hold, but the other man quickly grabs them again.

“You are still the same.”, Laf insists, but Alex once again shakes his head.

There are tears burning in his eyes, but he knows Laf will never leave if he starts crying again.

“No, I am different. I am hungry. I feel it.”

“It doesn´t matter, because you are still the same in here.”, Laf says quietly, resting his hand above Alexander´s heart.

This time Alex can´t help the tears from falling, both from helplessness and from how much it means to him that Laf won´t give up on him.

“I will hurt you. I´m a lost cause.”, Alex tries one last time, though he has already half accepted that Laf will stay.

“You won´t. And you are not. You just need to let me help you. You don´t have to fight all your battles alone, Alex.”

Alex is silent for a moment, pondering Laf´s offer. He is glad that the other man isn´t trying to rush him to make a decision, but just sits there and watches him with his warm and reassuring eyes.

“Okay.”, Alex whispers finally.

A tiny smile appears on Lafayette´s face, and he lifts his hand to gently brush a strand of hair out of Alexander´s face. Alex can´t quite supress the shudder at the soft gesture. He hadn´t even realised how much he had missed human contact and it feels so incredibly good. He can almost drown out the guilt. Alex would be content to just remain like this forever, but all too soon, Laf tugs on his hands and Alex lets out a disapproving whine.

“Come, let´s get you cleaned up. I´m pretty sure you did not care for your cuts, oui?”

Alex drops his gaze, but allows Laf to lead him to the bathroom across the hall. Now that he isn´t on the brink of a panic attack anymore, he feels ashamed of the state he is in. There is still dried blood on his body and he hasn´t washed his hair in forever.

“Do you want to take a bath?”

Alex shrugs, but doesn´t stop Lafayette, when the other man turns on the water and adds products.

“What day is it?”, Alex asks finally, though he somehow dreads the answer.

“Monday.”, Laf answers without turning around, and Alex furrows his brow.

“How long have I been gone?”

Laf freezes and it takes him a moment, before he turns around to Alex.

“You stopped answering my texts on Thursday.”, Laf starts, and Alex furrows his brow again. _Only five days? It felt so much longer._ “At first, I thought your phone had died or you just wanted some space.”, Laf continues, apparently unaware of Alexander´s confusion. “I thought I´d give you the weekend, but you never texted or called me, so I… I was very worried, Alex. We all were. We all _are_.”

Alex drops his eyes to the tiled floor and picks at the skin around his nails.

“I´m sorry. I didn´t know what to do and I didn´t wanna bother you… it was stupid.”

Laf lets out a little laugh.

“It really was, mon ange.”

Alex looks up at Laf with a little smile. He doesn´t really know how Laf has managed it, but there is something akin to hope inside of Alex. Maybe everything will actually be alright again.

A few minutes later, Alex is sitting in the bathtub, with Laf gently working shampoo into his hair. His eyes are closed, and he is as relaxed as he hasn´t been in days, though there is still a bit of unease inside of him, that he just can´t shake off. If he is being honest, it feels a bit weird, having Laf wash his hair, but at the same time it is nice and calming. He falls into a bit of a daze, and it takes Laf some coaxing to get him out of the water again, after he is done with washing Alex, but then finally, he is standing wrapped in a towel in the middle of the bathroom.

“You wanna sit down, so I can look at your cuts, mon ange?”, Laf asks, breaking the silence.

Alex lets his eyes drop to the floor and shrugs, flinching a bit, when he feels Laf touching his arm. The other man guides him to sit down on the edge of the bathtub and Alex reluctantly looks up at Laf again.

“Where do you have your… what´s it called?”, Laf asks, frowning confused.

“First aid kit?”

Laf nods, giving him a smile.

“Oui. First aid kit.”

“Under the sink.”

Laf takes it out and sets it down on the shelf next to the bathtub. He starts with cleaning the cuts and scratches on Alexander´s face. Alex closes his eyes and does his best not to think about the smell of blood that´s in the air, that makes that insatiable hunger inside of him flare up. It doesn´t take Laf all too long to take care of Alexander´s injuries, and Alex is glad when the last of the cuts is hidden underneath a bandage.

“Wait here for a moment, will you? I´ll go and get you a pyjama.”, Laf says, and Alex nods.

Laf squeezes Alexander´s hand one last time, before he hurries out of the bathroom. For a moment, Alex just keeps sitting on the edge of the bathtub, but then he decides that the floor is more comfortable and slides down to lean against the wall. He allows himself to feel happy that Laf had found him and that he had stayed, even though there is still some guilt left. He can´t help but smile at the prospect of curling up in his bed with Laf, hoping that the other man will stay for a while, so that he doesn´t have to be alone anymore.

When Lafayette isn´t back after a few minutes though, the happy feeling from before leaves Alex and suddenly he is afraid that Laf had left after all, and that he had used getting him his pyjama as an excuse to get out of the flat. He refuses to believe that though, and remains where he is for another minute, convinced that Laf will be back any second now. He doesn´t come though, and Alex can feel the disappointment wash over him and leave his insides cold. There are tears burning in his eyes, but he does his best not to cry, refusing to let the disappointment get the better of him. It´s what he had wanted from the start, isn´t it? He manages to hold back the tears for a bit, but once he has left the pleasantly warm bathroom, he can´t keep them from running down his face. He is softly sniffling and very much looking forward to hiding in his bed forever, but when he enters the bedroom, he almost runs into Lafayette. The other man stabilizes him with his hands on his arms, smiling down at him amused, but his smile turns almost instantly into a worried frown, when he notices the tears on Alexander´s face.

“Mon ange, what´s the matter? Did something happen?”

Alex just shakes his head and wraps his arms around Laf, who instantly hugs him back.

“I thought you had left me.”, Alex mumbles, his voice muffled by the other man´s shirt.

“Oh Alex. I would never leave you.”, Laf whispers, but Alex can hear how much he means it.

“You should though.”, he gives back. “I´m a-“

“Stop.”, Laf interrupts him softly. “I know, you think you are a monster, but it is not the truth.

Alex lets out a sigh.

“But-“

“No.”, Laf says simply, and for once, Alex is all to happy to lose an argument.

They stay like this for a bit, just enjoying the company of each other, until Alex pulls back.

“I´m kinda cold.”, he admits, and Laf takes a step back and hands him his pyjama.

He quickly puts it on, before curling up under the blanket. The bedding is new and suddenly Alex understands why Laf had taken so long. He holds out a hand to Laf, who takes it without hesitation.

“Will you join me?”, Alex asks, and Laf nods with a warm smile.

“Of course, I will. There´s nothing I´d rather do, mon ange.”

As soon as Laf is next to him, Alex presses himself against him, letting out a content sigh, when Laf wraps his arms around him.

“Thank you. For everything.”, Alex whispers against Laf´s chest, and he feels him pressing a kiss to his hair.

“Always.”

Alex hesitates a moment, before he shifts, so that he can look into Laf´s eyes. He feels his heart beating fast in his chest, but after a few seconds, he gathers enough courage to lean forward and press a quick kiss to Lafayette´s lips.

“I love you.”, Alex mumbles, when he pulls back again, resting his head against Laf´s chest.

“I love you too, Alex.”

They are silent for some time again and Alex is half asleep. Laf is stroking his hair, which helps to relax him even more.

“You are not a monster. You could never be one.”, Laf whispers, and Alex isn´t sure if it´s even meant for him to hear, but it makes a smile appear on his face.

“I know.”, he gives back, and finally, he feels safe enough to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Tysm for reading! You can also request fics on my tumblr @whatdidimissjm and if you like what I do and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee (https://ko-fi.com/whatdidimissjm)!


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